The Magnificent Seven – review

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A ragtag band of cowboys help out a small town by taking on the big bad who is set of stealing their land and their gold.

The Magnificent Seven is a remake of a remake and I must confess I have seen neither the original or Seven Samurai, so I can not compare to these well respected films. To me this movie reminded me most of Back To The Future Part III. A tiny little square town with lots of sand and gun shots without blood. It kind of has the same tone. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, but just know that this a light and frothy thing.

While the seven themselves are ticking all the demographic boxes, the Mexican one, the native one, the Asian one, the Cajun one, the fat one (doing a strange accent), the white one and the black one, but only Ethan Hawke and Denzel Washington get anything like backstory. While Denzel looks totally badass dressed all in black and riding into town on a black horse, I am still massively distracted by Denzel giant dazzling white teeth.

There are a few enjoyable action scenes and a Home Alone style gearing up of the town. It also cements Chris Pratt as a movie star, he runs on charm.This is also the second of three films for Haley Bennett this year (between Hardcore Henry and The Girl On The Train) and is the only female character in the whole film, so it is a good job that she just about gets enough to do without making her character completely pointless.

In general however The Magnificent Seven is fun but forgettable the minute you stop watching.

Celebrities Sell Watches

There is a distinct art to watch advertisements, you have to draw attention to the watch any way possible, even if that means making some unnatural poses that you wouldn’t normally find yourself in.

Take Kate Winslet, she is a pro, modeling a Longines  watch while rubbing her shoulder and being distracted by a spider running across the carpet. An unusual choice but it works right?

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Another classic watch modeler is James Bond for Omega, he is perminantly adjusting his tie, (don’t think we haven’t noticed) but that way the watch is right in the middle of the photo.

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Hugh Jackman is doing the ‘I’m talking animatedly with my hands.’ trick to subtley draw attention to my watch.

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It is a good job Novak Djokovic is good at tennis because he couldn’t watch model his way out of a small wooden room.

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Darth Vader is the opposite of subtly, while attention is drawn to his wrist (good work DV) his glove is covering up his watch so we can’t actually see it. That mask must really obscure his vision.

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Charlize Theron is doing the classic neck hold, works every time.

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David Beckham is teaming the mid-distance stare with the over the shoulder jacket model look, which works for, watches, outerwear and being intelligent.

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Tag Heuer always go for the aggressive, like my watch or i’ll punch you with it.

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IWC Schaffhausen realised that branding their watch as a a mens watch means they are limiting their potential market by 50%. So they put some famous women in suits and got them to roll their sleeves up.

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Now this one isn’t recent but I thought you’d want to see this watch model from Charlie Sheen, he is doing a reasonable job of getting that watch in the middle of the shot, but exactly why he is playing baseball in the mud on his own (and his sweatshirt is maybe on backwards).

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Jonas Brothers, Disney and the Taylor Swift connection

Now I still struggle with knowing which Jonas is which. The third one is off the grid, so you can forget about him. Nick is the one that always looks confused and has eyebrows that make him look both a little surprised and possibly  constipated at the same time. Joe is the one that is hairier than the other one, yes they both have furry faces but Joe looks like he has to shave twice a day.

But these two have dated a lot of their Disney channel compatriots, who also happen to be friends with or used to be friends with Taylor Swift.This is a new version of six degrees of Kevin Bacon and it involves either having dated or being friends with Taylor Swift (I haven’t decided which it is yet).

Yes Taylor Swift has a reputation for getting through boys as fast as my neighbour gets through Dominos pizza, (Taylor still has more hats than boyfriends though), but have you noticed that Taylor is also starting to collect frenemies too?

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Between Nick and Joe Jonas they managed to work their way through the majority of Disney stars circa 2005-2011, AJ Michalka, Demi Levato, Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus. There was no stopping them.

And whether by coincidence or if Taylor Swift has some sort of tick list in her purse, wouldn’t you know, she has gifted the same Disney stars with her friendship.

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And it doesn’t end with Disney. Not only has Taylor managed to date Joe, she has also managed to find friendship with other Jonas exes Kendall Jenner and Ashley Greene.

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Not to mention Taylor must have made a friend for life in Gigi Hadid who has managed to do the double and date both, Nick and Joe. (More on Gigi coming soon.)

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