Hollywood just isn’t brave enough to make a movie where the lead characters happen to be gay, they are still undercover cops or sassy girls looking to find their place in the world but their love interest is of the same gender. Hollywood does have quite a lot of movies that could nearly be there, the actors are selling it, the script hints at it, but then they do insist upon the obligatory yet unnecessary hetero romance.
The Man From Uncle – suave, sophisticated, well dressed and full of innuendo. Being out probably would have made this stand apart from all the other spy thrillers on the market.
But the love interest makes sure the characters don’t go to far off mainstream.
Point Break – not even Baby looks at Patrick Swazye the way Keanu Reeves looks at Swayze. He teaches him philosophy, how to surf, if only they were on the same side of the law things might have worked out between them, sigh.
Pitch Perfect – these two pretty much begin the movie with a shower scene.
Friends don’t stand that close, not even short sighted ones.
But the obligatory hetero romance stops any funny business.
Bend It Like Beckham – apparently intended to be the two girls in love, but in the end they chickened out and doubled up on the racial stereotype jokes instead.
Whip It – this movie doesn’t remotely need a love interest, it’s about finding yourself innit? But these two best friends have got more going together than Page and that tall boy who turns out is a bit of jerk anyway.
Just so you don’t get any ideas about girls liking girls playing roller derby, here is a boy.
Fast and Furious, every single movie in the franchise – part of the enduring success of the F&F series is the (un)intentional innuendo between pretty much all of the male cast.
Obviously the first movie is a copy of Point Break but with cars and tuna sandwiches rather than surfboards and meatball subs but Paul Walker loves Vin so much, but not as much as Tyrese Gibson loves Paul Walker, drinking games are built on the levels of gay between these two in 2 Fast 2 Furious.
But don’t get to excited there are a few ladies around to break up all the man love, but who would have thought it would be Michelle Rodriguez to stop gay from happening?
Top Gun – the machismo, the topless volleyball, Ice Mans haircut, all those mustaches. What a love triangle, Goose loves Maverick but Maverick love Ice Man but Ice Man loves the mirror.
Is this a wedding? It feels like it could be a wedding?
Don’t worry the hetero romance is here, right on time.
Maybe Maverick just wants to be a singer, ever think about that?
X-Men First Class – these two fellas sure play chess a lot.
And share looks together that I generally reserve for cups of tea with two chocolate hobnobs only.
And share dramatic, life changing
romantic moments on tropical beaches.
But hold up, they are just best bros, right?
Captain America First Avenger/Winter Soldier/Civil War – lets face it everything Cap does in all three movies is motivated by Bucky. Even if Bucky doesn’t know it.
Probably the most obvious gay blocker in recent movie history, ‘what me gay nah I’m American, I’m a gunna smooch this girl in front of you see.’
Disney Fairies – Tinkerbell and Periwinkle are just gals being pals.
Even if they live next to a rainbow, that doesn’t mean anything.
Maybe Tinkerbell is just really into paperclips and not her white haired fairy friends.
I’m sorry but what sort of fairy is called Terence? A alpha male fairy I guess